


Sam

by tellthenight



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 11.11 coda, Coda, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-28
Updated: 2016-01-28
Packaged: 2018-05-16 19:55:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5838913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tellthenight/pseuds/tellthenight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coda for 11.11- Sam has too much on his mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sam

**Author's Note:**

> This is a tiny little coda to follow episode 11.11. Here lies spoilers if you haven't watched the episode.

Sam lays awake far too long after he closes the box. His body aches, his mind is reeling- he just wants some sleep. But guilt from years of mistakes and scars creeps up uninvited and lists itself off in the nighttime hours. It happens most nights. Sometimes he can knock it down before it gets too loud, but tonight he’s smacked head on with every one of his worst regrets piling up one after another.

And then Lucifer…

All it takes is the most fleeting thought and Sam is back in the cage sweating and internally pleading while he holds himself strong on the outside.

Sam rolls onto his side, an arm over his head like he can halt the non-stop devil feed that lives in his brain. He tells himself it’s all lies and bullshit, but a little voice needles him with the reminder that he can’t even trust himself to sort out what is real or not. After all, he’s the one who found God’s voice in the devil and gulped down every whispered bit as sacred truth.

Sam gives up on sleep and goes back for the box. It helps sometimes to see her.

He’s practically worn the photograph away on the edges after the use it’s seen over the years, but his mother is there smiling as she’s always been. Sam takes his time going through the other items in the box. Every second he spends with the past helps him tamp down the present and he has learned to drag it out as long as necessary to make it through hard nights.

Sam slides a finger along Dean’s abandoned amulet, and he flips through photos and opens boxes, touching each momento in turn. Every good memory firm in his hands offers a scant boost, but he stacks them all up in an attempt to blot out the horrors writ in his head in the dark. He tells himself that he knows each of these things to be real.

The brochure has the honor of being the most recent addition and the most confusing. Every other item is a comfort, but this one doesn’t remind him of family or a hard-won case. It’s all Eileen and her smile and the way her life lines up with his. He remembers the way she corrected his poor excuse for sign language but admired his attempt, and for once in the middle of the night Sam Winchester smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading!
> 
> Come say hi on [tumblr](http://www.tellthenight.tumblr.com)


End file.
